Thoughts and Nothing More

different

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 18:43:14 GMT

Coffee makes you act funny. so I decided to steal this from you for a change of pace.

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Coffee, naturally.
2. Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew? Um. My brother is named matt...but i'd like to think i never kissed him.
3. Where was your profile picture taken? senior picture taken while in high school
4. Can you play guitar hero? ha...no :(
5. Name someone that made you laugh today? Bio. Anth teacher. He is goofy.
6. How late did you stay up last night and why? 1 am. netflix on xbox = addiction
7. If you could move somewhere else, would you? Yes. Anywhere to be near people who love and care about me.
8. Ever been kissed under fireworks? nope. because someone didnt like kissing in public. :)
9. Which of your friends lives closest to you? lets see...im illinois right now..so anja and chris are considered friends and they are in kentucky..so them.
10. Do you believe ex's can be friends? apparently.
11. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper? I don't drink much pop these days but it is nice and bubbly :)
12. When was the last time you cried really hard? Like...last week? i think it was then that i called mum.
13. Where are you right now? apartment in stinky Carbondale.
14. What bed did you sleep in last night? a twin.
15. What was the last thing someone bought for you for dinner? dad bought me mexican about a month ago.
16. Who took your profile picture? Some lady that takes pictures proffesionally.
17. Who was the last person you took a picture of? random girl.... no just kidding. probably dad holding a pitchfork infront of an old timey outhouse ha...
18. Was yesterday better than today? not now that I have coffee in my system.
19. Can you live a day without TV? I have lived month's worth of days without it..so yeah. Get with the times..TV is soooo outdated.
20. Are you mad about anything? not really "mad"
21. Are you upset about anything? my inability to decide on a future.
22. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? most of the time.
23. Are you a bad influence? no, i have been told a few times that I am a good influence :)
24. Night out or night in?night in...thank you very much.
25. What items could you not go without during the day?food obviously. me thinks this question is too general.
26. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? i took my dad to get a shot in his back...if that counts.
27. What does the last text message in your inbox say? something about tastey cookies
28. How do you feel about your life right now? its a bit frustrating and overbearing at times. Natural for a life in flux i suppose. I do not know what my future holds.
29. Do you hate anyone? Irrationaly...but none the less yeah sure.
30. If we were to look in your LJ inbox, what would we find? general LJ propoganda.
31. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? caffeine fail.
32. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? no :(... :).
33. What song is stuck in your head? "If there is something" by Roxy Music
34. Someone knocks on your window at 2am, who do you want it to be? Someone to take me on an adventure.
35. Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? I am in no position to have children. That is what's wrong with the world!!
36. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Read and work on school stuff, naturally.
37. Do you think too much or too little? I overthink things consistantly. It gets to be a problem to the point where I begin to get all "meta" about it and start thinking about how I am thinking so I really end up not thinking about anything at all. annoying.
38. Do you smile a lot? not enough.
39. Who was your last missed call on your Mobile phone? *shrugs* noone calls me silly.
40. Is there something you always wear? no, but if I had a sounders hat I would....hint hint...GIVE ME A SOUNDERS HAT :)
41. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Sitting at S'bucks and reading for school while people watching.
42. Have you ever crawled through a window? not that I can remember.
43. Are you wearing a necklace? no.
44. Are you an emotional person? sadly.
45. What's something that can always make you feel better? coffee, soccer, and hugs :).
46. What do you want right now? direction.
47. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing? Yes, and now it belongs to me because they didnt want it back. 
48. Have you ever worked in a food place? yes...smelly.
49. What's on your schedule for tomorrow? boo this question.
50. Does anyone know your LJ password? why would they?

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 22:08:26 GMT

I find It funny that now that I am quite comfortable with myself ( think I am attractive enough, nice enough, etc.) I am incapable, still, of moving on.
Is a year too long to be without someone? I have not even come close to dating. Do you need someone to be happy?
Why am I so obsessed with this?...
Well I know why,actually, but I would rather remain in denial. Which means it's embarrassing, naturally, ha.

I am not sure why I came to graduate school. I think I came because I thought that's what everyone expected me to do. It was sort of my place in my family.
   My brother was not really into school so he just did high school and nice has a nice paying blue collar job.
   My sister was not as adverse to school, did the college thing but was very glad to be out and struggled at times and now teaches.
     I breezed through high school and college and actually enjoyed it. So I am supposed to be the one who gets a fancy education...

The thing is I don't want that. I just want a simple life. I just want to be loved by someone and love them back. I want a life long companion.
I dont wan't to be looked at as a failure because I don't want to continue in school. I dont want to be thought of as a loser.

Is it incomprehensible to hate someone you have never met? Because I do.

I do talk about my feelings sometimes with someone, but I don't really know if they actually care.
I am pretty much lost right now. I have been pretty much lost for the past year.

Things I know for sure:

Mandy's brownies are fucking magnificent
Soccer is great for escapism
I have decided to take up smoking at least 4-5 times as I am leaving school but once I get home I change my mind.
Depression comes in many fun varieties!
Fujimora is a fucking postmodern idiot!!!!!!
puppies are adorable
Penguins are invading my dreams. so are you.

Training and Flashing old Women.

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 22:18:19 GMT

So, my life for the past few months has been rather routine: go to bed early and wake up at 4:30am 5 days a week and then relax on the weekend. My social life is also rather consistent: hang out with brother/sister-in-law and play with a 2 year old. For these reasons, I hardly ever have anything interesting to write about, but I will try to come up with something. It should also be noted that I am going to avoid any sad entries for the reading pleasure of all.

Working at a coffee shop, I have met (read: served coffee to) a bunch of people I would never associate with. First on that list are a pair of women that come in and get skinny vanilla lattes with whip cream on top. One seems to be in her late 20's and she always comes in with her mom. The other day I was informed that these women wouldn't be donating to breast cancer research funds because it was a scam. Moreover, a cure has already been found and "they" are holding out in some sort of money making scheme. I don't know what your opinion of this attitude is, but I am filing it under "crazy" until further notice. The crazy doesn't stop there, just a few days ago they come in again, get the same drinks, and the daughter informs me that her mom is wild, in her 50's and still flashes people. Needless to say I spent the rest of the day getting that image out of my head.

On another note, I am disgusted by a surprisingly (to me anyways) high number of mothers who buy their children (read: elementary age)coffee. They do not need to be ingesting excessive amounts of caffeine much less double shot lattes. This is just setting them up for a lifetime addiction given to them by their ignorant parents. Also, this will mess with the kids' sleeping schedules and brain function during an important time in their physical and mental development. Stupid people.

To end on a positive note, I have been training the newest recruit only having been on-staff for less than a month myself. This is exciting and important to me for a few reasons. First, I want to eventually be a professor when I finally finish with my education, and, secondly, I need as much practice as possible. Apparently the trainee thinks I did a great job and she learned a lot in a small amount of time. I also proved to myself that I enjoy teaching people and that I have more patience than I thought. It might only be how to make drinks and run the little kiosk, but it has worked to increase my self-assurance and confidence in my teaching abilities/potential.

That is all for now.

Love and miss you...

Back In East Wenatchee, WA

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:20:59 GMT

I flew into town this past Sunday as the small plan practically barrel-rolled onto the runway with all of the turbulance we experienced. At the momment I am starting a job search since I will be here for around a year if I get into gradschool like I want, and as a part of this I have mostly finished my resume and will later gather a list of potential job sites. I am living with my parents which really is not that big of a deal since I have, practically, full autonomy and a spiffy room (soon to be internet-ready!). Even so, I plan on doing some cooking, cleaning and contributing however I can because I do not want to be dead weight leeching food, space and money during my stay here.

I am enjoying the two mini-dogs here which really are a lot of fun and source of comedy. Also, I get to spend time with my nephew Trent! Two big chairs and a big TV in the living room is really nice as well! The weather here has been amazing since I have hardly sweat a bit since arriving! Plus, there are no annoying bugs as far as I can tell! Real grass, evergreen trees and mountains at every horizon raise the asthetic value +10 and is really calming to hang outside and just take it all in.

I got together with old friends the other night and it was a wierd experience for a few reasons. My memories consist of a world seen through the eyes of a 13 year old boy. Since then I have moved to Texas and have had practically 0 guy friends. This means that I never learned how to socialize with guys through middle school and highschool/college. So, going out now with a bunch of guys I knew 8 years ago without knowing how to act around a group of guys was a bit awkward on my part. In any case, it does not matter too much because there is one friend I can count on and with whom I always seem to have something in common with; his phone got disconnected (good job buddy) but once he is in town I cant wait to hang out with him and kick a ball around. Next spring we are totally going to Seattle to se a Seattle Sounders FC game in their first MLS season!

So far it has been excruciatingly hard to be away from Nicole, but its best to make the most out of any situation. We will work it out anyways to coodinate visits and such, and later down the line I am sure things can work themselves out! I dont want to hark on the sad things because that just douses the mood, but I wanted to add a bit here to make it known that some bits of this move do suck balls.

In any case, that is my general situation as it stands. I hope to take the Eddie's out for pictures with mountains in the background in a bit...until then :)

Coffee

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 03:33:03 GMT

What can I say? It makes me happy, cheerfull if you will. I see things though glasses that shine so much with opptamisom that I cant remember why i get so pessimistic when ive not had coffee in my system. Everything seems better. I am less lazy, I think more clearly and am more pacient. My mind is opened up and I just feel overall GREAT.

Coffee = love.

Astounding

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 01:52:33 GMT

It seems that whenever I think about blogging I end up talking myself out of it. The reason being that I feel the need to either blog about something profound or not blog at all. 3 people at most will ever read what I put on this, so I do not tend to feel all that encouraged to write. As I think about this outlook I feel more and more like it is erroneous, and I think it unimportant whether what I have to say (and how many people will read what I have to say) is groundbreaking or mundane. The important point remains that this is meant to serve as an outlet and forum in which to unload many of the thoughts floating around aimlessly in my head.

With that in mind... I was spoiled today as I was treated to not one but TWO soccer games on t.v! The best part is that it came as a surprise to me that either game was ever going to be on channels that I recieved. The first game was on Telemundo and featured a Real Madrid side that seemed unable to string passes together versus a unrelenting Sevilla side that surprised me in its ability to attack. The other game was an MLS one with FCD (FC Dallas) versus Houston. Dallas loses because they felt like not play with any passion, but the ref and injuries also seemed to hate Dallas. Anyways, Pat Onstad (the HOU keeper) ended up makeing me laugh when he went into mental mode as he got in the face and ended up red in the face yelling and girating at a FCD player. Anywho....good games overall and 2 soccer games in one day makes Eric a hapy boy.

To get me through the FCD loss was a plate full of cookies and a cup full of coffee. With these at my consumption I cant help but be content.

Anyways..thats my soccer talk to noone who knows anything about soccer...but then again this IS America.

Get a Clue

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 04:04:12 GMT

Just for the record, (one in which I'm positive that I happen to be the only one I know who cares) ESPN sports analysts are retarded when it comes to understanding the sport of soccer. When the topic comes up and they have to speak on it they manage to spew out all sorts of rubbish and ignorance. I wish I could slap them every time they manage to give an uninformed opinion on live or taped television that the casual (and in most cases also ignorant--I'm guessing) American sports fan.

The idiots need to get a clue and stop making themselves look like utter shite.

My hands are tied.

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 06:42:13 GMT

When I look into your eyes

I can see a love restrained

But darlin' when I hold you

Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever

And we both know hearts can change...

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience

Sit here on the stairs

'Cause I'd rather be alone

If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear

Sometimes, I get so tense

I can't speed up the time

Whenever I think about the reasons I can't be with you it breaks my heart.

huh?

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 21:43:01 GMT

"Hey Eric, what is one thing you hate?"

Pricks that try to delegate to me when they do not have the authority to do so. Dumbass kid, who the fuck did he think he was?

So, soccer game on Sunday...im really excited about it...like always...it could be the USMNT vs U12 Boys team...and Id still be excited to watch.

Lots of stuff to get..including my pass port and an airplane ticket...before I can go to Belize...Im freaking out as normal until everything is ready. Stressful it is. Im also kind of scared about going there in the first place...out of my comfort zone by a few hundred...probably thousand miles...

So, im dedicated my life to soccer. sounds good to me.

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 05:57:30 GMT

The absence of doubt breeds desire... Maybe.

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 21:38:30 GMT

Does the old simply end in a blanket of darkness? ::shrugs::

heroes?

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 05:51:36 GMT

My parents are my heroes. Why is my life the way it is? Why do I have all the opportunities in my life that I do? My life is good because of my parents. They worked hard to put our family in the position it is in.

I have the opportunities I do for no other reason than because my parents worked hard and made sacrifices. I should be happy and content with the fact that I am able to get a college education. Why be sad? Seriously? Recently I have not been depressed, nor do I think I should be. I have to take every opportutnity I can and do everything to the best of my abilities because I owe it to my parents.

Thank you mom and dad.

Random

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 22:47:29 GMT

"What is the purpose of life?"
There is no purpose to life... except that which we give it. Some people's lives become better by becoming Scientologists. Its no mystery that daily, thoughtful introspection will make your life a bit better -regardless of the conclusions you make.

"Do you have free will?"
Essentially we make the decision as to what path we take. Your world-view, cosmology and inputs of other people's opinions (friends, t.v, books, movies...media in general) will have an impact on persuading you to take one or the other, but ultimately it is up to you no matter how dire the consequences.

"How did the Universe get created/Why does the Universe exist?"
Because it does...does there have to be a reason? If so then why? If something created the Universe then what created the creator of the said Universe? If one needs a creator then so does the other, verdad?

Soccer is amazing. It is more than a sport, and you have to look no further than Mexico, Brazil or anywhere else that plays really to understand this. You really do not even have to look any farther than Americans that follow the American game. Thinking I am dumb for believing soccer to be more than a sport is being ignorant.

A new Women's Soccer League is going to start up again in 2008. Awesome news since nearly half of youth players are women, and most college soccer programs are for women...now they have somewhere to aspire to besides National teams.

MLS season 12 to start soon. Can you call me excited? Nah, you can call me fucking ecstatic.

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 02:45:07 GMT

It seems that one could trace my taking the easy road all the way back to the third grade. Nothing much has changed. Oh look, the scholarship deadline just passed.

I could elaborate, but hey..who are we kidding.

cv

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 21:47:47 GMT

I feel a depression slump coming on. Hopefully it can be averted, but if not then be warned.

..

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 03:37:38 GMT

Cultural relativism. Read it. Learn it. Know it. Without it a majority of people in this country will never rise above their narrow-minded point of views or understand why we can not project ourselves onto others. You do not need to fear the unknown to unite the world; you must merely seek to understand it.

?

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 01:30:30 GMT

First things first: How in the hell am I to be expected to get my mail when my mail key doesn't fucking open my mailbox. It goes in fine...but it doesn't turn left or right. Come on now, what the fuck? Seriously. I nearly end up with gigantic bruises on my ass by venturing out onto the sidewalk/icy death-trap, and I make it to the boxes but get nothing from them. Agitated? Yes.

Passive aggressiveness murders my vital ability to remain stable. This is especially true when my half awake comments are the cause which leads to the inevitable downfall of my sanity. While in this frame of mind relaxing (sleep included) is not an option; I must be moving or accomplishing something at all time until I pass out from exhaustion. To this extent I have washed and rewashed the dishes along with the counter tops and coffee table. I have fully cleaned my room and afterward vacuumed. My bathroom is as clean is it is ever going to get and I have washed my towels along with my other dirty clothes. The trash (from the whole apartment) was taken out--once again defying an icy bruise. I have also installed my stereo and finished 2 mandatory readings for class. After all this I finally passed out and slept 3 hours. As you can see, I love you and when you are mad enough to walk out (whether or not I am the cause [in this case I am])I enter a stage of minimal sanity until sleep forcefully overtakes me. It sucks.

Sam's needs to post my schedule so I can start saving for Valentine's Day and a Plane ticket for the summer. I think there was something else to save for but I forget. One of my goals is to learn how to save and manage money. Moreover, I would also like to take steps in becoming more self-sustaining and less dependent on others. Being able to depend on people is a huge benefit; however, being dependent on them haunts my dreams and makes me feel like a loser.

Whatnot.

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 21:22:13 GMT

So today is my birthday. It isnt like it matters, but I kind of miss getting cards and best wishes from people in my family...that dont already live with me. I shouldnt be surprised though since our branch of the family is nothing like any of our relatives, so i dotn think they like us very much. But still...a nice Happy Birthday is all i ask.

Went to La Botana (no enya...) with mom, pop, sister, sisters slave boyfriend, and most importantly Nicole!. Good food..I liked the simple atmosphere. I also got penguin boxers! ill be sure to wear them :).

Honestly though today..when you were on your way i was excited. The kind of excited that you can feel in your bones and nerves. I was so happy to see you...and just the way you smelt put me into a lovely mood.

i dont feel like writing anymore....

Random thoughts...though ment to be cohesive.

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 19:35:12 GMT

Sono Perso

Destinations in mind; they don't even think to find, so they never look.

Confined by our emotions, especially those of others. One wrong step, one word spoken and it could all be over.
-no more caring.
-Hurt feelings.

You see me and you think I'VE changed, but same time and place and all I can see is the opposite plus the same.

Morphing into what others opinions or actions mold us into.
Human clay! Skin and bone you say? I beg to differ.

Skin and bone bend and break, but human clay takes it all and holds on for the ride.

Our physical and mental presence is the result of what happens to us. The brain may forget but it doesn't much matter. Impressions are left:

-eyes swollen from previous tears.
-forehead a massive wave of wrinkles and a blank stare a product of confusion, bewilderment, and sorrow.

Why am I depressed? Because life sucks and I do not know how to get over it. Ditto for my confidence and self esteem.

I want more for and from myself. I do not have a purpose, nor do I have faith.

Muddles, I do not know what to do with myself anymore. Not that you care much anymore.

You just have a destination in mind. We all have problems, sure, but is that not reason enough to help each other out?

I want your confidence and trust back, but I can not plead my case anymore than I have. I can't just move on from you. I need you...and I do not even have a destination to move on to anyways.

I think too much.

bookin

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 22:20:59 GMT

So, I just finished my third book by Nick Hornby and it was spectacular. It is a good, realzing, calming feeling to read a book and disapear into its world and leave your own behind.

Now I need to find a new book to read. Maybe the Dan Koontz or whatever the guy's name is....his book that Nicole let me barrow last semester or so and that I have yet to start reading. It seems to be the last one left besides my magazines before i need more material.

That is all i suppose.

I have not listened to this album in a long time.

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 02:15:34 GMT

Here we go again

A very temperamental process, beginning with
all of our excess
Affecting our very own ingest, this side of
you is speechless
Overwhelmed with an abscess, creating new diseases
And infecting whomever it pleases, we've been
living this way for too long, too long

Then I noticed a difference, in the way that I
saw other insects
Who were living a life of indulgence, sheltered
by their parents
Such an unlucky existence, not given a
chance to experience
And make their own decisions, I wouldn't trade
my own mistakes at all

[Chorus]
Reach out your hands
Out for the ones who, aid when the going gets rough
Until the end.
These are the ones who, help when the times get tough
And times will get tough.
Get up again.
Times will get tough.
Get up again

Here it comes once again

[chorus]

I have just discovered something I have been suffering from.

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 22:15:35 GMT

Anthro-Shock. That is, the imense worrying, nervousness and confusion that hits an Anthropology major after someone nievely, yet sincerely, asks him what "Anthropology" is or what he can/is going to do with it. I can not tell you how lost I was in what my future was going to be like since I am majoring in Anthropology. I had no idea what the hell its usefullness was in the world of adulthood. I was scared it was goign to get me no where even though it is what interests me.

As of this writing I am more at ease than I used to be, and I have a new respect for the field. I am very proad, now, to claim Anthropology as my major.

That is all.